Scholars and writers, for example, are often inward. This is an excellent book which clearly describes the traits of introverted children and provides strategies for helping them to navigate an extrovert dominated world. Get comfortable with your child s temperament and needs. Raising an introvert in an extrovert world parents. Here are 15 mistakes most parents dont even realize they are making with their introverted child. As a parent, the greatest gift you can give to an introverted child is acceptance. And sure youre doing everything all wrong because those parenting books other parents swear by just dont work for you. Ten tips for parenting an introverted child by susan cain. Understanding introverts and extravertsithe center for. If you have an intense child, you probably know it. The ultimate parenting guide for introvert moms, dads and kids. Their child may prefer to spend time alone reading or engaging in other individual activities rather than eagerly seeking out the companionship of other kids.
Marti olsen laney, a portland psychotherapist, explains these personality differences in her book the hidden gifts of the introverted child. Advice for parenting an introverted teenager introvert. Without a parent who listens and reflects back to them, like an. Call them spirited, emotionally intense, difficult, high needs, or challengingit doesnt matter. While you need to encourage exercise, physical activity, and healthy interactions, its just as important to identify where your child experiences the greatest emotional growth and gets the greatest intellectual stimulation. With the hidden gifts of the introverted child, dr. I always assumed those traits meant i was an extrovert.
To give you a quick cheat sheet, here are 15 things you should never do to your introverted children. Engaged by their interior world, theyre often regarded as aloof. What are introverts like as children 7 characteristics psychology. Introverted children are often misunderstood, even by their parents, who worry about them. Being an introvert is a challenge at any age since todays world focuses so much on speaking out and being outgoing. Introverted children may be a little more on the sensitive side and not always open to sharing their struggles.
I was content spending whole afternoons by myself, writing books on construction paper and daydreaming. In fact, one of the characteristics of introversion is the ability to be more sensitive to social cues and. Meri wallace, a child and family therapist for over 20 years and author of birth order blues owl books, agrees about the connection between birth order and personality traits. Force them to go outside and play when they want to recharge inside. Meeting an extroverted childs needs parenting from scratch. While its important to foster your child s social development and celebrate their need for socializing, its equally important that you dont constantly overextend yourself. Raising an introverted child in an extroverted world hey sigmund. It turns out, says laney, that introversion is related to energy management. Parenting can be challenging for all parents, whether introvert or extrovert. Marti olsen laney, author of the hidden gifts of the introverted child.
The cruel irony of an introvert having a child, is that you have at least a 5050 chance of ending up with an extroverted child. If your child has these seven traits, he or she may be an introvert. Common misconceptions about introverted children verywell family. When you birth a child who is wired completely differently than you, parenting can become a struggle. The personality of an individual is understood through a set of characteristics that determine the way he thinks, feels and behaves. Being an introvert myself, i could relate to the issues raised. Wanting a welladjusted child, these parents may apply tips that can help shy children become more outgoing, but they arent going to change the nature of an introverted child. How to raise an introverted child in our extremely social, exhibitionistic world, being an introvert can be tough. How seeing the world through the lens of personality changes everything, i walk you through 7 different frameworks, explaining the basics in a way you can actually understand, sharing personal stories about how what i learned made a difference in my life, and showing you how it could make a difference in yours, as well. We talked with cain about helping young introverts deal with school, extracurriculars, family life. Is it easier, or harder, to parent an introverted child. Cain argues that modern western culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and capabilities of introverted people, leading to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness the book presents a history of how western culture transformed from a culture of character to. Let me introduce you to a child who shares many characteristics with the introverted children i have met and.
Parenting the introverted child wyatt the wonder dog. Introverted children 101the center for parenting education. I recently had a conversation with an extroverted parent who has had a really hard time understanding her introverted sons behavior. Frequently mischaracterized as shy, they interact with. However her main focus is the oftenoverlooked value and strengths of the introvert. Check out these ten quality traits of introverts that you didnt even know you have. Buy the ultimate parenting guide for introvert moms, dads and kids. Your introverted child has secret strengths, says susan. But as i began to read some of the books my therapist suggested, it became clear. No two introverts are exactly alike, but introverted children tend to share these seven characteristics to some degree.
Cains book is full of research validating the differences in personality that even infants and young children display. Parenting the sensitive and introverted child wyatt the. A seven hour school day can be completely exhausting for an introverted. Introversion is a very deep character trait, according to harvard university psychology professor jerome kagan, ph. Ten tips for parenting an introverted child, by the same author, is also useful, inspiring, and thoughtprovoking. Introverts live internally, and they need someone to draw them out, writes dr. And now shes tackling the issue of introverted kids and teens in her new book, quiet power. They didnt seem to need the alone time that i required just to function. Share with your children your own personality needs as a parent. Quiet kids, help your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world by christine fonseca, published by prufrock press inc. While introverts make up an estimated 25 to 40 percent of the population, there are still many misconceptions about this personality type. Think of your introvert s social energy as a battery. Introverts tend to be good listeners, loyal friends, and. Content with just one or two close friends, they may be perceived as unpopular.
If you have an introverted child this is a must read. In particular, the fight or flight aspect of their nervous systems is active, as research proves. One of the biggest challenges of being an introvert raising an extrovert is that your child might want to make play dates happen. Easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation, they can be seen as unmotivated. Mighty mommy shares 8 strategies for raising an introverted child to be a successful, confident adult. They may seem older than they really are, somehow possessing insights beyond their years. Share the uniqueness and positive attributes of both approaches. Marti olsen laney brings wisdom and science together to provide parents with an essential guide to raising a successful, welladjusted innie. The power of introverts in a world that cant stop talking is a 2012 nonfiction book written by susan cain. It can give the impression that we dont approve of our child interacting with their children. The bigger problem emerges when extroverted parents dont understand their introverted child.
You and your child an important aspect of a child s personality has to do with what is called temperament. If youre an introvert and you feel down about it, this article will make you feel better. The most important thing in bringing up introverted children is to work with, not against, their strengths. For extroverted parents, knowing how to deal with an introverted teen can be especially confusing. If youre an extroverted parent with quiet children, you may find it difficult to accept their unwillingness to speak up or make friends. The first child, who becomes energized by being around people and activity, is considered an extravert. It can be tough being an introverted teenager in a world that often seems geared toward extroverts. It can be that you are an extrovert parenting an introverted child. Introverts seek stimulation through inner thoughts and extroverts do it through the environment. Introverted children have a lot to offer the world. The first thing to do is to make sure that you understand what it means to be an introvert. Lets start by understanding the characteristics of an introvert, and what makes an introvert different from an extrovert and an ambivert. It is also important to note that introversion is not the same thing as social anxiety or shyness.
The pressure to be on for their children when theyre exhausted and feeling drained can be hard. Marti olsen laney, author of the introvert advantage with 74,000 copies in print, the hidden gifts of the introverted child fully explains introversion as a hardwired temperament, not a disability, and tells just what parents need to do to help their child become the person he or she is meant to beand succeed in an extroverted world. Parenting your little introvert or extrovert real simple. Introverted kids are more likely to stay on the sidelines. No, your child cannot be quiet and reserved like you. Astonishingly, even at a young age, many introverted kids can step outside themselves and reflect on their own behavior. What are introverts like as children 7 characteristics. Introversion and extroversion, she says, are basic innate temperamental traits. Every time they are out their battery is getting depleted. In dealing with their own anxieties, parents will often force an introverted child to interact with others in a way that is neither natural nor comfortable. Nature has wired the introvert s brain differently from the extrovert.
By nature, extroverts are stimulating and outgoing. Use this alone time to take a break from the insanity around you. A child that loves to talk and talk and talk, and say hello to everyone, and play with friends all the time, and be in your business every minute of every day. While this book is primarily written for adults who are introverts, there is much information in this book about children and parenting. It could be one hour in the afternoon or midmorning, where you get to sleep a little or read a book. Tips for raising an introverted child verywell family.
Introverts and extroverts brains are wired differently, according to dr. As an introverted child, i lived partly in a small suburb in minnesota and partly in my imagination. The secret strength of introverts, takes a deep dive into the world of introverts. As a teenager, i had a group of friends i loved, but spending time with them drained me. The second child, who is drained by the same situation, is labeled an introvert. She writes that children s temperaments are innate although parents play an important role in nurturing that temperament. Some people assume introverts are socially anxious, but thats not the case.
Tips for introverted parents raising extroverted kids wired. Helping your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world, also explains that introverts renew their energy or recharge their batteries through alone time, whereas extroverted children recharge interactions with others and activity. The power of introverts in a world that cant stop talking, author, susan cain identifies research that validates the differences in personality style that even infants and young children display. Parents will often worry if a child is introverted and prefers quieter pursuits.
Sometimes we try to just smile a lot, hoping that gives out a signal that we are friendly, but an awkward forced smile just makes it worse. How does your personality affect your parenting style. An introverted child is more likely to stay out of trouble and less likely to be rambunctious at school, says kagan. How to raise an introverted child quick and dirty tips. If the outcome is not great, it only serves to confirm to the parent that something is wrong when, in fact, the only thing that may be askew is the parents expectation. Surviving as an introverted mother quiet revolution.
A new book, the hidden gifts of the introverted child, offers insight into the special talents of introverts and offers parents some valuable advice. Finally, a book on introversion which specifically relates to children. Help your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world. Parenting even with all its joys and rewardscan also be unbelievably draining, most especially if you are an introvert with a child whose needs for interaction far exceed your own. Being an introvert does not mean that you are socially anxious or shy.
Another child avoids shopping and gets quickly frazzled, annoyed by the constant noise, overwhelmed by all of the choices, and frustrated by the crowds. When i decided to write a post on whether its less difficult to raise an introverted child than an extroverted one, my working hypothesis was. We live in a culture that values extroverts, yet people with introvert personality traits have much to offer. Introverts just dont handle social stimulation as well as extroverts do. All children ask questions, but an introverted child will surprise you with their depth of thinking. Temperament refers to a ones predisposition to act and react in certain ways based on personality characteristics that are present at birth. An introverted child needs to be recharged frequently. Often creative, passionate, and deepthinking, introverted children bring a different type of energy and social dynamic to home and school. The book is a guide of sorts for not only teens, but every. Raising a teenager is a challenging and frustrating endeavour for most parents. They rely on their inner resources rather than constantly turning to.